Parents
Tamsyn De Jager

Profession:
Chemical Engineer

Age of parents:
36

Child’s name:
Rachel Ann

Age: 4 Years

Is this your only child?
No, Rachel has a half-brother, age 14.

Diagnosis of child:
Spastic Hemiplegia. This is a form of Cerebral Palsy caused by a stroke in utero.

What are the biggest challenges facing your child on a daily basis?
At the moment, the biggest challenge is developing Rachel’s fine motor skills. Apart from the hemiplegia, Rachel was born with an undeveloped left hand, thus she has to learn to do most things her own way - and usually does! All kids have to learn to write and thread beads, build lego, etc. but Rachel has to learn how to do these things with only one hand that is able to grip; learning to use a pair of scissors and hold a piece of paper simultaneously, or eating with a knife and fork at the same time are just that little bit more challenging. Rachel is very creative and has learnt to master many of these things, but usually with a lot of frustration. While I can show her the way that I do things, or help her to try and figure it out, she has to do things for herself; not just to be able to physically help herself, but to build her confidence in herself and acceptance of herself. This foundation is vital for her as she gets older and most certainly will be confronted with people’s curiosity, unwanted attention or judgement.

What are the happiest moments you have with your child on a daily basis?
I cannot single out all the happiest moments in my day... Rachel is incredibly bright, intuitive and has a fantastic sense of humour. Her expressions, the way that she sees the world around her and her way in the world always makes me stop and smile. Every time she makes a new discovery, achieves something that she is proud of or figures something out, her genuine reaction is just fantastic. I love it when I pick her up from school every day... she shouts “Mommy” and runs into my arms as if she hasn’t seen me for days. She always has something to share with me. She is incredibly loving and caring and she showers me with affection, always ready with a hug or a kiss for mom... that is super special!

Are you married? Married

Has your special needs child had an effect on your marriage?
I always tell people that Rachel chose us to be her parents, because I believe that we can provide her with the best balance possible; I am very ambitious and encourage Rachel to do anything that she wants to, without limitation, while her Daddy is the most supportive, incredibly loving person that just envelops her with the understanding and patience that she needs. If anything, Rachel has brought out our best qualities and we recognise and value that in each other.

Are your family and friends supportive?
Our family and friends are amazing. We are truly blessed to have these people walk this path with us. I have a circle of friends that also have children with special needs, so we support each other and I rely heavily on my friends to be my sounding board whenever we reach a new challenge or developmental stage with Rachel.



Rachel is flooded with love from our family and friends, she really is the apple of everyone’s eye. She has a big brother (my step-son) who is 14 years old and he is her hero; he also dotes on her. The amazing bond they have is just incredible and he is the most patient, loving soul with his little sister. 



Outside of our circle of family and friends, I’m eternally grateful for the special people that have influenced Rachel’s life thus far, this includes her nursery school and current Grade 000 teachers, her physiotherapist, her speech therapist and her neurologist. Some how, we have always been lucky enough to find exactly the right person for Rachel and she has found a soft spot in all of their hearts too. Even though she has moved into the older classes at school, or doesn’t need all of the initial therapies anymore, we all still keep in touch as everyone is interested to watch Rachel grow into the amazing person that she is. Their support is still there and it brings a great deal of comfort knowing that I have “back-up”. I can never express enough to the people in our lives just how much their involvement and presence means to us.

What has your child taught you about yourself, both positively and negatively?
The positives are easy... I’ve learnt what unconditional love really and truly means, and sacrifice, but in a good way. I’ve learnt what is really important in life and what isnt. I’ve learnt to accept, without judgement. I’ve learnt that I can do so much more than I thought I could and that it’s okay to do things for myself too. I’ve learnt to not fuss so much, appreciate more, relax a bit more and not always worry about what other people think of me. I’ll never profess to being the best mom in the world, but I can honestly say that I try my best. I’ve learnt to slow down, take notice of the little things and treasure the special moments - and there are many of them! 


On the negative side, I’ve discovered that I am quite intolerant of certain things and a very strict parent, often inflexible. I’ve discovered that I can shout from my belly and utter a really scary “mommy voice”. I can get frustrated and angry, and I have a short temper. I try to be conscious of these things, but I have learnt that I am also just human.

Do you take time out, if so what do you do to relax?
I try to take time out regularly, I believe that I can only help Rachel if I am in good health and a positive frame of mind.



Becoming a mom to any child requires a lot of sacrifice and I gave up many of my pass times once I had a little person to take care of. With the added responsibilities of therapies and doctors visits, I also reached a point where I had to decide between my career or my commitment to being a full time Mommy.



I am incredibly fortunate and eternally grateful that with the support of my husband I was able to choose to be available for Rachel. I still work on a part-time basis when I am able to, but I have accepted that I will not climb the corporate ladder, and I don’t really want to any more. 



As Rachel has gotten older I am finding more time for myself. She goes to school until lunch time, which gives me enough time in the mornings to get work done, sort out the house or maybe squeeze in a cup of coffee with a friend; I’ve discovered that connecting with friends is a vital part of keeping myself balanced and motivated and an important source of support. 



Once a month I go for a facial and a time out, regardless of what’s going on... that is my treat to myself and it resets my buttons. I have also recently taken up photography and I join a meditation class one evening every week. Not only does this keep me grounded, but it also allows Rachel and Daddy some special bonding time.

What has made the biggest difference to your child's quality of life?
On an emotional level - the support and love that Rachel has from us, her big brother, our family and friends, her teachers and therapists has been key in helping her to become a confident, happy little girl... and will be going forward. I try to keep her engaged in social activities and involved in group efforts, such as doing ballet and yoga, joining in the children’s holiday club in our area or even assisting with community service (Rachel will be helping to plant seedlings at a nearby school for her 67 minutes on Mandela Day).

What is your dream for your child?
I guess my dream is that of any other parent... that my child will grow up to be the self-assured, confident, dynamic, loving, caring person that she is and that she will always be happy, find genuine love and support and be fulfilled. I know that Rachel is here to make a difference and that she can be and do anything that she sets her heart and mind to. I have the utmost confidence in Rachel and I am so proud of all that she has already achieved and overcome in her life thus far..